Friday, 27 July 2007

your personal astrology

well actually not jboy

"Jay Everingham is one of the Northern Rivers most un-recognised astrologists.  His accuracy parallels common lotto-winning statistics, and his readings should be ignored at all costs." - Astrology Weekly 


By Jayboy


In 2007, you can expect many things to happen. In all likelyhood you will find yourself walking almost daily, reflecting and perpetuating a life of terrestrial dwelling.  Contrarily, it is quite possible that you will find yourself, at some point, on a boat or swimming in a pool/ocean.  Your love life could go either way this year, so hold on!


Being the Bull of the zodiac, you can expect 2007 to, at some point, involve meat.  You could very well find yourself either at a restaraunt or indeed at home eating a good steak.  Be carefull how it is cooked, as overcooking will result in a culinary experience you'd rather forget! You will have family this year, or you wont.


Gemini backwards is spelled "inimeg", which when googled, yields the result, whome quote "INIMEG, that's Gemini spelled backwards".  Don't go to this website, as you will be wasting your time.  Rather, try and eat healthy foods, as this is a far better method for achieving longevity and, of paramount importance, avoidance of a premature death. 


You would have spent most of your life avoiding astrology due to the unfortunate zodiac name you have been bestowed with.  You're still no better off starting now and lets face it, you're not even reading this.  You will die of cancer.


Leo eh...rooow!


You will spend the most part of 2007 swept up in a daily routine of awaking, spending the day doing stuff, then resting, only to repeat this process approximately 365 times.  Don't become phased by this pattern, as it is essential for your wellbeing.  Somebody close to you is aware of your presence, at some point.  Try and verbally communicate something when you want something, as this is paramount to getting it.


During the summer months you will notice an unusually high temperature, particularly when the sun is high in the sky.  Avoidance of this is futile, however there are numerous techniques to alleviate feelings of hotness.


Health matters will arise this year, Scorpio.  This could involve either a health problem, or no health problem.  Your parents had sex at least once in their life, which is why you were born. 


Ah Sagittarius, "the guy with the bow and arrow".  Crossbows are illegal in most Australian territories, however they can usually be obtained through various underground sources.  Compound Bows also fit into this category.  If you have a pet, it will require water in a bowel and/or require access to water at least once a day.


Money will be of some concern this year.  You will either have thought about it at least once, either yearning for it or spending it.  Try not to eat money, as money is usually exchanged for edible goods like bread etc.  Try and avoid cooking it in a fan forced oven, as the notes often combust.


Your social life in 2007 will most likely involve people.  Try and avoid social scenarios where you find yourself in solitute, as this contradicts the whole concept of a social setting in the first place.


As the Fish of the zodiac, it is highly advised that you try not to emulate the lifestyle of one.  Humans have no gills and therefore are unable to extract oxygen from water.  Alternatively, you should breath though your nostrils/mouth, utilising the Trachea & Lungs to extract the oxygen in the Earths atmoshpere.  You can however, eat fish